Luke 9:18-24
What is it we admire about fathers?
There are may things we might admire about a man; he may be good at
his profession; he may be a lot of fun to be with. We might admire
his mind, or his physical abilities, or his talent with fixing cars.
But when we ask the question, what makes an admirable father, a good
father, a father worth imitating, I think most of us could come up
with a list of characteristics. He is a good disciplinarian; he
listens to his children; he encourages them when he sees that they
are developing in good ways; he gives them enough freedom to find
themselves, but not enough to get in serious trouble. And we could
always add that he models for his children what it is to be a
husband. And of course there is a lot more.
Many years ago I knew a couple who had
a daughter who was born with a rare genetic disorder. Mental
development in this disorder never gets much past that of a three
month old. Physical problems are severe, including progressive
difficulty swallowing. Siezures happen. And as time goes on the
little control of movement the child has gradually disappears, so
that they become totally helpless. Eventually after many long years,
these children die in their forties. I think every parent or
would-be parent would shudder to find that their child had this
problem. I think nowadays because they can diagnose this problem
using amniocentesis, most such children are aborted.
But during the time I knew this
couple, whose child was now her early twenties, I noticed many
things. Obviously both parents were heavily involved with the care
of the child. The mother, however, periodically would sink into
severe depression and have to be hospitalized. She was on medication
and slept a lot as a result. The father encouraged her, always
showed that he was there for her, that he was someone she could
depend on. You could see that in their relationship. And the father
worked the night shift so that after a few hours of sleep he could
spend his time with his daughter and relieve his wife. I watched him
feed the child through a feeding tube; he changed a lot of diapers.
And when the child had a siezure, he was there making sure she did
not bite her tongue or hurt herself. And on a nice day he'd be out
pushing her along in her wheelchair, making sure she had a chance
to enjoy the outdoors. When I moved to this area, I lost track of
that couple. I hope God blessed them.
Today Jesus tells us that if you wish
to save your life you will lose it; but if you lose your life for his
sake, you will save it. This does not mean that Jesus wants us to be
martyrs. But I think he is talking about two approaches to life.
One approach is to measure everything
according to my standards. My goals, my objectives, they triumph
over all the rest. That certainly describes a totally self-centered
individual, and we might have an idea in our heads about what that
person looks like. But we might be surprised. We've all known
people who spend most of their time helping other people, but only on
their own terms. We've known leaders of parishes and congregations
in other denominations who had to have things just so, and indeed,
seemed to be pretty good leaders. But their bottom line was “My
way or the highway”. And so there is a type of person who wishes
to save his life, but will never be able to deal with things that
threaten his ideas about what he has been put on this earth for.
The other approach is illustrated by
the father I described. I wonder how many dreams he had when he was
young and just starting out. Then, one by one he gave them all up,
living for his child and his wife; he gave up his life. And he gave
it up for Jesus' sake. I don't know if he was an active
church-goer; but he was doing exactly what Jesus advocated:
“Whatsoever you do for the least of my brothers, that you do for
me.” And in that famous passage from Matthew's gospel, Jesus
makes the point that those who did for the least did not even know
they were doing it for the Master. I wonder how many people will be
saved by giving up their lives for other people? Probably that will
count more than great sermons or fasting or saying many prayers.
I think it's interesting that Jesus
promises that those who lose their lives for his sake will save them.
And Jesus gives to most of his followers marriage, which seems made
to help people give up their lives for His sake. That we don't take
advantage of this great sacrament is our fault; but when can see
that in a good marriage, like the marriage of Mary and Joseph, the
husband and wife are always living for each other and for their
children. Why else go to work, day after day, probably to a job you
don't always love? And why when you' ve had a college education and
a taste of working at something you love, give that up to raise your
children, to fix the meals, to keep the house up? And why spend
money that you could use for an ocean cruise or a new car on the
education of your children? In a good marriage, the husband and the
wife lose their lives, hopefully for the sake of something greater
than themselves.
So to me that's the definition of a
great father; someone who willingly gives up his life for his family.
And of course it's the definition of a great mother as well. And
if they are doing this knowing that they are really doing this for
Jesus, then they are saving their lives.
Happy Father's Day to all you guys who
are losing your lives to your family. For in doing this you will
save your lives.
