JOHN 15:9-17
THE OTHER DAY I WAS
WATCHING MY TWO OLDEST GRANDDAUGHTERS, WHO AT THIS MOMENT ARE BOTH
ELEVEN. THEY LIVE ABOUT 400 MILES APART, SO THEY DON'T GET
TOGETHER VERY OFTEN. BUT WHEN THEY DO, YOU CAN ALMOST SEE THE
BUBBLE THAT FORMS AROUND THEM. IN A MINUTE THEY LOSE TRACK OF
EVERYTHING BUT EACH OTHER. THEY SEEM TO TALK ENDLESSLY. NORMALLY
THEY ARE REASONABLY DOCILE AND OBEDIENT; BUT IN EACH OTHER'S
PRESENCE, THEIR PERSONALITIES SEEM TO CHANGE, AND IT'S A LOT HARDER
TO GET THEIR ATTENTION. THEY TRY TO ESCAPE THE REST OF THE FAMILY
AND GO SOMEWHERE WHERE THEY CAN BE PRIVATE.
WHEN I WAS A KID, I HAD A
BEST FRIEND. I THINK THAT'S A COMMON EXPERIENCE. WE FIND SOMEONE
WHO RESONATES WITH US, A SOUL MATE. I MET MY BEST FRIEND WALKING
HOME FROM SCHOOL WHEN I WAS IN THE FIRST GRADE. WE REMAINED BEST
FRIENDS THROUGH BOY SCOUTS, BEING ALTAR SERVERS, PLAYING BASEBALL
TOGETHER – ALL THE WAY TO HIGH SCHOOL, WHEN OUR INTERESTS STARTED
TO DIVERGE, AND GRADUALLY THAT INTENSE AND SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP KIND OF
DIED AWAY. I HAVEN'T BEEN IN TOUCH WITH HIM FOR MANY YEARS. A FEW
YEARS AGO WE EXCHANGED A FEW EMAILS AND SOON FOUND THAT OUR POLITICAL
AND RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES WERE TOO MUCH TO OVERCOME.
BEING IN A FRIENDSHIP IS
NOT THE SAME AS BEING MARRIED. CERTAINLY IT'S WONDERFUL WHEN DEEP
FRIENDSHIP EXISTS IN A MARRIAGE, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO. THERE ARE
PLENTY OF MARRIAGES IN WHICH THE COUPLE ARE CONTENT, BUT NOT REALLY
CLOSE FRIENDS. THEY EACH HAVE THEIR OWN SPACE, THEIR OWN FRIENDS,
AND AS LONG AS EACH KEEPS TO WHAT IS HIS OR HERS, THINGS ARE OK.
I'VE KNOWN MUSLIM COUPLES LIKE THIS. I KNOW A LADY WHO HAD MET HER
HUSBAND FOR THE FIRST TIME THE DAY BEFORE THEIR ARRANGED MARRIAGE IN
PAKISTAN. THEY ARE GOING ON THEIR 25TH YEAR, FOUR
CHILDREN. I TOLD HER I COULDN'T IMAGINE THIS KIND OF MARRIAGE IN OUR
SOCIETY, WHERE WE PUT SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON ROMANTIC LOVE. SHE LOOKED
AT ME WITH A PUZZLED EXPRESSION AND REPLIED, “OH, I LIKE HIM FINE.”
HERE IS A DEFINITION OF
FRIENDSHIP FROM THE BOOK COMRADES, BY STEPHEN E. AMBROSE.
“FRIENDSHIP
IS DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. UNLIKE ACQUAINTANCESHIP,
IT IS BASED ON LOVE.... IT IS FREE OF JEALOUSY..... IT KNOWS NEITHER
CRITICISM NOR RESENTMENT. FRIENDSHIP HAS NO STATUS IN LAW. BUSINESS
PARTNERSHIPS ARE BASED ON A CONTRACT. SO IS A MARRIAGE. PARENTS ARE
BOUND BY THE LAW, AS ARE CHILDREN. BUT FRIENDSHIP IS FREELY ENTERED
INTO, FREELY GIVEN, FREELY EXERCISED. FRIENDS NEVER CHEAT EACH OTHER,
OR TAKE ADVANTAGE, OR LIE. FRIENDS DO NOT SPY ON ONE ANOTHER, YET
THEY HAVE NO SECRETS. FRIENDS GLORY IN EACH OTHER'S SUCCESSES AND ARE
DOWNCAST BY THE FAILURES. FRIENDS MINISTER TO EACH OTHER, NURSE EACH
OTHER. FRIENDS GIVE TO EACH OTHER, WORRY ABOUT EACH OTHER, STAND
READY TO HELP. PERFECT FRIENDSHIP IS RARELY ACHIEVED, BUT AT ITS
HEIGHT IS AN ECSTASY."
PEOPLE
PAID A LOT MORE ATTENTION TO FRIENDSHIP AS SUCH IN THE TIME OF JESUS.
ARISTOTLE, FOR EXAMPLE, WROTE A GREAT DEAL ABOUT FRIENDSHIP, NOTING
THAT YOUNG PEOPLE DEVELOPED FRIENDS MUCH MORE READILY THAN ELDERLY
PEOPLE; AND THAT WHILE FRIENDSHIP COULD BE BASED ON USEFULNESS OR
PLEASURE, THE BEST FRIENDSHIP WAS WHEN EACH FRIEND DESIRED THE GOOD
OF THE OTHER. A COMMON DESCRIPTION OF FRIENDSHIP IN THOSE DAYS WAS
TO SAY THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAD ONE SOUL.
JESUS
CALLS US FRIENDS TODAY. WE ARE NO LONGER SERVANTS – A RELATIONSHIP
BASED ON WHAT WE CAN DO FOR HIM. NO, WE ARE NOW OFFERED FRIENDSHIP
LIKE THAT DESCRIBED BY AMBROSE; A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS FREELY
ENTERED IN TO, BASED ON LOVE. JESUS, OUR FRIEND, DOES NOT CRITICIZE
US. HE HAS NO SECRETS FROM US. HE WORRIES ABOUT US, MINISTERS TO
US, STANDS READY TO HELP.
FOR
SOME OF US, IT'S HARD TO ACCEPT THIS. WE SEE JESUS AS LORD, RULING
OUR LIVES; OR WE SEE HIM AS SOMEONE WHO JUDGES US, WHOSE RELATIONSHIP
WITH US DEPENDS ON HOW GOOD WE ARE, HOW MUCH WE PRAY, HOW MUCH WE
GIVE. BUT IF YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED A REAL FRIENDSHIP, ESPECIALLY
ONE LIKE YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE SMALL, WHEN YOU PERHAPS HAD THE MOST
WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP YOU'VE EVER HAD, THAT IS THE KIND OF FRIENDSHIP
JESUS HAS WITH US.
JESUS
GIVES US A COMMANDMENT TODAY – LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED
YOU. THIS IS ACTUALLY A CALL TO FRIENDSHIP. WE CAN'T LOVE IN THE
ABSTRACT. A REAL FRIEND LOOKS AT YOU, SEES WHAT YOU NEED, AND THEN
TRIES TO FULFILL THAT NEED. IF WE AREN'T DOING THAT WITH EACH OTHER,
WE ARE NOT LOVING EACH OTHER, WE ARE NOT FULFILLING THE ONE
COMMANDMENT JESUS GAVE US.
AND
ONE OTHER THING TO THINK ABOUT. GOD WHO IS LOVE CANNOT NOT LOVE US.
EVEN IF WE ULTIMATELY CHOOSE TO REJECT HIS LOVE AND FIND OURSELVES IN
HELL, WHICH OF COURSE IS WHEN GOD ACCEPTS OUR DECISION AND LEAVES US
COMPLETELY ALONE, HE CONTINUES TO LOVE US. IN LOVING US, HE WOULD
NEVER GIVE US A COMMANDMENT THAT WOULD NOT BE FOR OUR GREATER GOOD.
AND HE TELLS US IN ANOTHER PASSAGE, “LOVE YOUR ENEMIES, DO GOOD TO
THOSE WHO HATE YOU.” IT'S EASY TO LOVE WHEN YOU ARE LOVED BACK;
BUT HOW HARD IT IS TO LOVE THOSE WHO HATE US. AND THAT IS THE REAL
CHALLENGE OF CHRISTIANS TODAY. WE WILL NEVER CONVERT THE WORLD
UNLESS WE LOVE THOSE WHO HATE US, WHO RIDICULE US, WHO WANT NOTHING
TO DO WITH US. AND REMEMBER, LOVE IS NOT ABSTRACT, LOVE REQUIRES
ACTION, OR IT IS NOT LOVE.
THIS
OF COURSE IS MOTHER'S DAY. DID YOUR MOTHER LOVE YOU? I AM REMINDED
OF TOM MONAGHAN'S BIOGRAPHY. THE FOUNDER OF DOMINO'S PIZZA, THE
FOUNDER OF AVE MARIA UNIVERSITY, THE MAN WHO STARTED THE LEGATUS
ORGANIZATION – HIS MOTHER PUT HIM AND HIS BROTHER IN AN ORPHANAGE
WHEN THEY WERE BOTH SMALL AND SELDOM SAW THEM AGAIN. AND I'M
REMINDED OF SAINT GIANNA MOLLA, WHO DIED IN 1962 OF CANCER, HAVING
CHOSEN TO BEAR HER CHILD RATHER THAN SUBMIT TO AN OPERATION THAT
MIGHT HAVE CURED HER BUT WOULD HAVE RESULTED IN AN ABORTION. WHICH
MOTHER LOVED HER CHILD THE MOST? LOVE IS NOT A FEELING; LOVE ACTS.
