Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time, cycle B

EPHESIANS 5:21-32
IN THE GOSPEL READING, THE PEOPLE WHO LEAVE JESUS SAY, “THIS IS A HARD SAYING, WHO CAN ACCEPT IT?” BUT YOU AND I, CONDITIONED BY A LIFETIME OF HEARING THAT THE EUCHARIST IS THE BODY AND BLOOD OF CHRIST, DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE REAL HARD SAYING FOR US TODAY IS FROM THE EPISTLE, WHEN PAUL TELLS HIS FOLLOWERS THAT WIVES SHOULD BE SUBORDINATE TO THEIR HUSBANDS IN EVERYTHING. EVEN OUR CHURCH IS SQUEAMISH ABOUT THIS; WE ARE GIVEN THE OPTION OF READING THE EPISTLE IN THE “SHORT FORM” WHICH LEAVES OUT TWO SENTENCES THAT MIGHT CONCEIVABLY BE SEEN AS SEXIST OR ANTI-FEMINIST.
BUT THIS IS THE WORD OF GOD AND WE OWE IT TO OURSELVES TO READ CAREFULLY WHAT PAUL IS SAYING. PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT PAUL WAS CONDITIONED BY HIS TIME – AND SO HE WAS. SOME SAY THAT PAUL'S OVERALL MESSAGE IS A LOT MORE ENLIGHTENED THAN OTHER ATTITUDES TOWARDS WOMEN IN THOSE DAYS – AND IT PROBABLY WAS – HE DID, AFTER ALL, SAY THAT IN CHRIST JESUS THERE IS NO MALE OR FEMALE. BUT THE PASSAGE CANNOT BE SEEN AS A RELIC OF THE DISTANT PAST, NO LONGER RELEVANT TO MODERN CHRISTIANS.
THE WAY TO UNDERSTAND THIS PASSAGE, I THINK, IS TO BEGIN BY THINKING ABOUT MATRIMONY – THE SACRAMENT. OUR CHURCH RECOGNIZES THAT MARRIAGE HAS EXISTED A LONG TIME BEFORE THERE WAS EVER A CHURCH, AND THAT MARRIAGE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, REGARDLESS OF THEIR BELIEFS, IS A GOOD THING, A BLESSED THING; BUT IF THE TWO ARE NOT BAPTIZED CHRISTIANS, IT IS NOT A SACRAMENT. A SACRAMENT, OF COURSE, IS A SIGN INSTITUTED BY CHRIST, WHICH CAUSES WHAT IT SIGNIFIES. AND THIS PASSAGE FROM THE EPISTLE TO THE EPHESIANS EXPLICITLY MENTIONS WHAT THE SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE IS A SIGN OF – THE LOVE BETWEEN CHRIST AND HIS CHURCH.
PAUL BEGINS BY SAYING, IF YOU READ THE GREEK WORDS, SOMETHING LIKE “PUT YOURSELVES IN SUBMISSION TO ONE ANOTHER.” THE REST OF THE PASSAGE ELABORATES ON THIS THEME – WIVES SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO THEIR HUSBANDS VOLUNTARILY – IT IS NOT SOMETHING THEY HAVE TO DO, IT IS NOT SOMETHING THE HUSBAND CAN DEMAND OF HIS WIFE; IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT EVEN SOCIETY OR THE CHURCH CAN DEMAND; IT IS AN ACT THAT REQUIRES THE FREEDOM TO DO SO; ONLY A FREE PERSON CAN SUBMIT HIMSELF OR HERSELF TO ANOTHER PERSON. AND THAT VOLUNTARY SUBMISSION IS A SIGN OF HOW THE CHURCH MUST SUBMIT HERSELF TO CHRIST. BUT PAUL GOES ON TO SAY THAT THE HUSBAND MUST LOVE HIS WIFE, EVEN AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND HANDED HIMSELF OVER FOR HER – SO THAT SHE MIGHT BE HOLY AND WITHOUT BLEMISH. THE HUSBAND'S LOVE FOR HIS WIFE HAS TO BE SELF SACRIFICING, HAS TO BE EMPOWERING, HAS TO PUT HER NEEDS BEFORE HIS OWN. THAT IS HOW CHRIST LOVES HIS CHURCH, AFTER ALL. AND PAUL INSISTS – THE TWO ARE ONE FLESH. AND THAT MEANS THAT IN THE IDEAL MARRIAGE, IN THE SACRAMENT, BEHIND THE SUBMISSION AND THE SELF-SACRIFICING LOVE IS A SENSE OF MUTUAL PURPOSE; THE HUSBAND AND WIFE, WITH RESPECT TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP, ARE OF ONE MIND, ONE PURPOSE. THEY DO NOT LOSE THEIR IDENTITIES; THEY BOTH HAVE LIVES. BUT WHEN THEY LIVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP, THEY LIVE FOR EACH OTHER.
WHEN A BAPTIZED MAN AND WOMAN MARRY, THEY DESIRE THE SAME THINGS THAT AN UNBAPTIZED COUPLE WANT – SUMMED UP IN A LOVING LIFE-LONG RELATIONSHIP, AND THE CREATION OF A FAMILY. BUT THE SACRAMENT PART IS EXCLUSIVE FOR THE BAPTIZED – THEY HAVE THE ADDITIONAL MISSION OF LIVING SO THAT THEIR MARRIAGE SHOWS THE WORLD THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHRIST AND HIS CHURCH. WE NEVER QUITE REACH THIS GOAL ENTIRELY, OF COURSE. AND AS TIMES CHANGE, AS OUR SOCIETY CHANGES, OUR MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO SHOW THIS RELATIONSHIP IN CONTEMPORARY TERMS. IF WE SEE THAT THIS IS THE SACRAMENTAL PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO SHOW HOW CHRIST AND HIS CHURCH ARE RELATED. DOES SUBMISSION MEAN THAT THE HUSBAND MAKES THE RULES AND THE WIFE FOLLOWS THEM? NO. DOES IT MEAN THAT EVERY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE LOOKS LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE? NO. IN FACT, EVERY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SHOULD BE UNIQUE; THE LOVE BETWEEN CHRIST AND HIS CHURCH CANNOT BE REFLECTED IN ONLY ONE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE; IT REQUIRES THEM ALL. BOTH MUST SUBMIT THEMSELVES, BOTH MUST LOVE THE OTHER WITH CHRIST-LIKE LOVE. BUT PAUL RECOGNIZES SOMETHING ABOUT MEN IN GENERAL AND WOMEN IN GENERAL; HE RECOGNIZES THAT MEN, ALL FULL OF TESTOSTERONE AND CONDITIONED BY AGE-OLD GENDER ROLES, WANT TO BE THE BOSS, THEY WANT TO DOMINATE; AND HE RECOGNIZES THAT WOMEN, ALSO CONDITIONED BY HORMONES AND GENDER ROLES, DO NOT REALLY WANT TO PUT THEMSELVES IN SUBMISSION TO THEIR HUSBANDS, ESPECIALLY, PERHAPS, AFTER SHE LEARNS THAT HER HUSBAND IS NOT THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR THAT SHE THOUGHT HE WAS. BUT WHEN THE SPOUSES LIVE THE SIGN THAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BE TO THE WORLD, THIS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS WHICH WILL OUTLAST YOUTH, AND BEAUTY, AND WILL LAST THROUGH THE AGES.
THE SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY IS A GREAT CALLING. IT IS A LIFE-LONG ATTEMPT BY THE CHRISTIAN COUPLE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES SO THAT PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY THEIR CHILDREN, WILL SEE HOW THE CHURCH SUBMITS HERSELF TO HER HEAD; AND HOW CHRIST GIVES HIMSELF UP FOR HIS BRIDE. AND IF THE WOMAN SAYS, “I DO NOT WANT TO PUT MYSELF IN SUBMISSION TO MY HUSBAND” OR THE HUSBAND SAYS, “I DON'T WANT TO GIVE MYSELF UP FOR MY WIFE,” THEY ARE MISSING THE POINT. PAUL IS NOT DEMANDING SUCH BEHAVIOR OF MARRIED CHRISTIANS; HE IS DESCRIBING A CALLING WE MARRIED CHRISTIANS HAVE, BUT NEVER QUITE LIVE UP TO.
BUT IT STILL RANKLES US. PAUL SAYS IN ONE PLACE THAT IN CHRIST THERE IS NO MALE OR FEMALE; BUT IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, THERE SEEMS TO BE A DIFFERENCE IN OUR CALLING. BUT TO PAUL, A WOMAN IS NOT A SLAVE; A MAN IS NOT A MASTER; AND IF BOTH SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER, IF A WOMAN TRIES TO SHOW HOW THE CHURCH SHOULD BE TO CHRIST; IF A MAN SHOWS HOW CHRIST IS TO HIS CHURCH, THEN THAT MARRIAGE IS TRULY MATRIMONY, THE SACRAMENT. AND WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THESE CALLINGS ARE THE SAME; THEY HAVE TO DO WITH MUTUAL SELF-GIVING; MUTUAL EMPTYING OUT FOR THE OTHER.
MARTIN LUTHER SAID THAT A WIFE SHOULD TREAT HER HUSBAND SO THAT HE IS ALWAYS GLAD TO COME HOME IN THE EVENING; AND THE HUSBAND SHOULD TREAT HIS WIFE SO THAT SHE IS SORRY TO SEE HIM GO IN THE MORNING. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD FIRST STEP TOWARDS THE HOLY VOCATION OF MATRIMONY. MANY OF US WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME HAVE SLIPPED INTO RUTS. WE ARE NOT UNHAPPY, BUT THE DAYS PASS WITHOUT MUCH CHANGE. TODAY FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE MARRIED, LET US LOOK AT OUR RELATIONSHIP ONCE AGAIN, AND THINK ABOUT THE GREAT SACRAMENT WHICH WE HAVE RECEIVED AND WHICH IS OUR CALLING – TO REFLECT THE ETERNAL RELATIONSHIP JESUS HAS WITH HIS CHURCH.