MARK 10:2-16
TWO OF OUR READINGS TODAY
DEAL WITH MARRIAGE. MY PARENTS, BOTH OF WHOM I LOVED DEARLY, DID NOT
SEEM TO HAVE A VERY HAPPY MARRIAGE. THEY AND ALL THEIR FRIENDS ARE
GONE NOW, SO I'M SURE THEY WOULDN'T MIND BEING IN MY SERMON TODAY.
MOM GREW UP ON A FARM WHERE EVERY YEAR IT WAS TOUCH AND GO; THE GREAT
DEPRESSION WAS ON, AND MY GRANDFATHER LOST HIS FARM ONCE AND NEARLY
DID SO OTHER TIMES WHEN A HAILSTORM DESTROYED THE CROPS, OR THE PRICE
OF SOMETHING WENT DOWN. MOM HAD AN UNHEALTHY FEAR OF BEING IN DEBT,
AND MONEY PREOCCUPIED HER. DAD GREW UP IN THE CITY. HIS FOLKS NEVER
WORRIED MUCH ABOUT MONEY, WHICH THEY DIDN'T HAVE. DAD FELT THAT
MONEY WAS TO BE SPENT, AND IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE IT, THAT'S WHAT CREDIT
WAS FOR.
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS
A PERFECT MARRIAGE? NOT REALLY, NOT IN THIS LIFE; AFTER ALL, WE ARE
HUMAN BEINGS. BUT I THINK THE SCRIPTURES ARE INSTRUCTIVE HERE.
NOTICE THAT THE PHARISEES ASK JESUS A LEGAL QUESTION. IS IT
LAWFUL... THEY SAY. BUT JESUS ANSWERS THE QUESTION NOT BY GOING TO
THE MARRIAGE LAWS IN THE OLD TESTAMENT, THE LAWS OF MOSES, BUT
RATHER, BY GOING TO THE GENESIS STORY, WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
THE LEGAL ISSUES WHICH HAVE TO DO WITH MARRIAGE. “FOR THIS
REASON,” HE QUOTES, “A MAN LEAVES FATHER AND MOTHER AND CLEAVES
TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO BECOME ONE FLESH.” THAT IS A POWERFUL
IMAGE, AND PERHAPS GIVES US INSIGHT INTO A BIBLICAL VIEW OF MARRIAGE.
I REMEMBER MY DAD – HE
WOULDN'T CONSIDER LEAVING THE TOWN HE GREW UP IN. HE WOULDN'T TAKE
SIDES WHEN HIS MOTHER AND MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE A DISAGREEMENT,
USUALLY OVER HOW WE KIDS WERE BEING RAISED. I THINK MY MOM RESENTED
ALL HIS CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS WITH PEOPLE HE HAD GONE TO HIGH SCHOOL
WITH. BUT JESUS SAYS YOU HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; IN
FACT, EVERY RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE, WITH THINGS, HAS TO BE TORN
DOWN AND RE-FASHIONED, BECAUSE IF YOU WANT THE KIND OF MARRIAGE GOD
HAS IN MIND, YOUR SPOUSE DISPLACES ALL YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. A
LOT OF US ENTER MARRIAGE THINKING WE CAN HANG ON TO WHAT WE HAD
BEFORE. BUT IF WE TRY, WE CHEAT OURSELVES AND OUR SPOUSES.
MY MOTHER MUST HAVE BEEN
IN LOVE WITH MY DAD AT SOME POINT. MAYBE SHE STILL WAS. BUT IT
DIDN'T TAKE MUCH TO GET HER INTO A COMPLAINING MODE, AND WE KIDS
HEARD A LOT OF COMPLAINTS, AS DID HER BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND WHO
KNOWS WHO ELSE? HE DOESN'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY. WE DON'T NEED A NEW
CAR. HE WANTS TO GO ON A VACATION, BUT WE HAVEN'T PAID OFF THE
MORTGAGE YET. I REMEMBER WHEN DAD HAD CATARACT OPERATIONS AND THEY
FITTED HIM WITH HIS NEW GLASSES. MOM KEPT COMPLAINING THAT THE
GLASSES MADE HIM LOOK LIKE AN OWL, AND SHE WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY.
JESUS SAYS, YOU HAVE TO
CLEAVE TO YOUR SPOUSE. CLEAVING MEANS THAT YOU DON'T LET THINGS COME
BETWEEN YOU. MOST OF US, AFTER THE HONEYMOON, LET MANY THINGS COME
BETWEEN US; OUR CAREERS, FOR EXAMPLE. THE NEW BABY THAT COMES ALONG.
THE GOLF GAME WE HAVE TO HAVE EVERY SATURDAY. AND WHENEVER
SOMETHING COMES BETWEEN YOU, YOUR RELATIONSHIP TAKES SECOND PLACE;
AND AFTER A WHILE, IT IS WAY DOWN THE LIST AND YOU'VE FORGOTTEN WHY
YOU EVER GOT MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY,
I REMEMBER DAD BRINGING MOM FLOWERS ON OCCASION. SOMETIMES THEY'D
HIRE A BABY SITTER AND GO OUT TO A MOVIE, OR DANCING. AS TIME WENT
ON, THESE EVENTS GRADUALLY FADED. ONLY WHEN THEY HAD TO MAKE AN
APPEARANCE AT SOME FUNCTION DID THEY GO OUT TOGETHER. THERE WERE
RARE MOMENTS WHEN THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM EASED UP A BIT; WE KIDS
LIVED FOR THOSE MOMENTS. JESUS SAYS THAT WE MUST BECOME ONE FLESH.
NOTICE THE WORD “BECOME”. A MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME OF WORK.
WORK HAS TO HAVE A GOAL. MAYBE WE CAN SAY A MARRIAGE MUST ACHIEVE.
THE GOAL OF MARRIAGE MAY BE COMPANIONSHIP, OR CHILDREN, OR
SECURITY. BUT THE GOAL OF MATRIMONY FOR CHRISTIANS IS TO HELP GET
EACH OTHER TO HEAVEN. AND WE DON'T DO THIS BY BECOMING THE CROSS OUR
SPOUSE HAS TO BEAR. WE DO THIS, VERY SIMPLY, BY SHOWING OUR SPOUSE
HOW MUCH GOD LOVES HIM OR HER. AND LOVE IS NOT LOVE UNLESS THERE IS
ACTION – TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” AND NOT SHOW IT IN ACTION IS TO
LIE. SAINT PAUL SAID THAT THE HUSBAND MUST LAY DOWN HIS LIFE LIKE
CHRIST DID FOR HIS CHURCH; WHEN THIS HAPPENS, THE RESPONSE OF THE
WIFE IS TO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND, AS TO CHRIST. SINCE PAUL SAYS WE
HAVE TO SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER IN CHRIST, I'M SURE HE MEANT FOR THIS TO
GO BOTH WAYS. EACH SPOUSE IN OTHER WORDS, NEEDS TO MAKE THE
HAPPINESS OF HIS PARTNER AS IMPORTANT TO HIM AS HIS OWN. AND
HAPPINESS IS MADE UP OF ROMANTIC GESTURES, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, OF
KNOWING WHAT THE PARTNER NEEDS AND DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HELP
HIM OR HER GET TO BE, AS MATTHEW KELLY PUTS IT, “THE BEST VERSION
OF HERSELF OR HIMSELF THAT SHE OR HE CAN BE.”
MANY OF YOU ARE NOT
MARRIED. I AM SURE YOU WONDER WHAT ALL OF THIS HAS TO DO WITH YOU.
WELL, IT IS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO THE CHURCH THAT GREAT MARRIAGES
HAPPEN, AND THEY WON'T HAPPEN UNLESS EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT GOES INTO A
GREAT MARRIAGE. IT'S NOT CHANCE. SO PRAY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE
MARRIED. AND IF YOU SENSE THAT YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER OR SISTER OR
BROTHER IS IN A TROUBLED MARRIAGE, MAYBE A COUPLE OF WORDS FROM YOU,
TACTFUL, GENTLE, BASED ON TRUTH, MIGHT HELP TURN THINGS AROUND. THE
SCRIPTURES TELL US THAT WE ARE TO OFFER COUNSEL TO OUR BROTHERS AND
SISTERS; WE ARE OUR BROTHER'S KEEPER.
AND IF YOU ARE MARRIED,
YOU MIGHT HAVE A PRETTY GOOD MARRIAGE. THEY SAY ABOUT 60 OR 70
PERCENT OF COUPLES WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR SEVERAL YEARS DO. BUT
MARRIAGE COUNSELORS WILL TELL YOU THAT MOST MARRIAGES CAN BE BETTER.
PEOPLE WHO STUDY SUCH THINGS CALL THESE EXCEPTIONAL MARRIAGES, AND
SAY THAT ABOUT 7% OF MARRIED COUPLES HAVE THEM. SO IF SOMETIMES YOU
WISH THINGS COULD BE BETTER, THEY CAN! SIT DOWN WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND
ASK THE QUESTIONS THAT COME FROM THIS SCRIPTURE PASSAGE. IS THERE
SOMETHING I HAVEN'T LET GO OF? DID I LEAVE EVERYTHING? AM I LETTING
ANYTHING COME BETWEEN US? ARE THERE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE
PUSHING OUR RELATIONSHIP LOWER ON THE LIST OF WHAT IS IMPORTANT? AM
I CLEAVING TO MY SPOUSE? AND IS OUR MARRIAGE ACHIEVING WHAT IT IS
SUPPOSED TO? DO WE ACTUALLY KNOW WHY WE GOT MARRIED? MAYBE IT'S
TIME TO TREAT OUR MARRIAGE LIKE THE PRECIOUS GIFT IT IS, AND SET OUT
A PLAN TO MAKE IT BETTER. EVERYTHING WORKS BETTER IF YOU HAVE A
PLAN.
TO LEAVE, TO CLEAVE, AND
TO ACHIEVE. GOD GAVE US THE STRUCTURE FOR A PERFECT MARRIAGE RIGHT
THERE IN THE SECOND CHAPTER OF THE FIRST BOOK IN THE BIBLE.
AFTER I WAS MARRIED AND
LIVING FAR AWAY FROM MY PARENTS, I CALLED ONE DAY AND LEARNED THAT
THEY WERE GOING OFF TOGETHER ON A SHORT TRIP. DAD WAS A FURNITURE
DEALER AND SOMETIMES HE WOULD TAKE A LOAD OF FURNITURE TO ANOTHER
TOWN. HE AND MOM WOULD GO TOGETHER ON THESE EXCURSIONS AND HAVE
SUPPER AT A NICE RESTAURANT AND STAY OVERNIGHT. DAD DIED SUDDENLY AT
THE AGE OF 57. I HOPE THAT MY PARENTS HAD BEGUN TO REDISCOVER WHY
THEY GOT MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, DO
JOAN AND I HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE? NO, BUT EVEN AFTER 46 YEARS, WE
ARE STILL WORKING AT IT, AND IT GETS BETTER EVERY YEAR.
