Matthew 18:21-25
There are people that have a hard time with forgiveness; I know, because I’m one of them. Oh, I don’t do anything and I’m pleasant to the person I haven’t forgiven, but it’s like a reflex -- when I see or hear or think about the person I haven’t forgiven, I feel a certain anxiety and then I’m ashamed of myself, but the emotion associated with the person doesn't go away -- that’s a grudge I’m talking about. And a grudge is there when you spontaneously play the tape in your head of what happened that caused the grudge. Psychologists say that holding grudges is genetic. I do know that my mother and her brothers could really hold grudges, whereas my father and his parents weren’t that way.
This parable that Jesus gives us today is, much like most of his parables, something that you can hold up and learn from by going over and over it , chewing on it, meditating on it. The first thing is that Peter is asking about a brother. Now scholars think Peter is talking about not just anybody, but someone who is a member of the inner circle, a friend. One of the purposes for which Matthew wrote his gospel is to use Jesus’ life and sayings to reflect upon how the church should conduct business. You may remember last Sunday when he told us how to deal with a brother who is a sinner. Today is more of the same. Peter, by the way, is being generous because the rabbinical opinion was that you had to forgive your brother three times, then all bets were off.
So Jesus says, in effect, not seven times, but so many times you can’t count it. That’s what seventy-seven means. Seven is the number of completeness. And then he tells this parable. The debtor owed the king a huge amount, it says. In other translations, he owed ten thousand talents. A talent was worth fifteen years of labor. Ten thousand is the largest number in the language of that time. And when the debtor asks for mercy and says that he will pay it back if given time, the king doesn’t say, “ok, I’ll be patient”, but says instead, “Forget it, you don’t owe me anything.” Isn’t that interesting? Obviously, it’s not hard to see that this is the way the Father sees us -- he forgives us over and over again, because we can’t pay our debt of sin, and Jesus has paid it.
Now think of the servant. I can’t help but feel that he walked out of there not believing in his good fortune. He was dancing on air and couldn't wait to tell his wife. Now I sort of relate to this man. There have been a couple of times in my life when I've loaned someone money and they have been very slow to return it. I remember in college I loaned a small sum to a friend, who denied I had ever done so. Needless to say, I held a grudge against him. So our happy servant sees his fellow servant, and this is what I think happened. This wasn’t the first time our forgiven slave had requested that his fellow servant pay the debt he owed. In the original text, it was one hundred denarii, roughly how much a laborer might be expected to make in three- and one-half months. And every time the forgiven servant has asked, the other servant has an excuse. And something snaps in the servant who has been forgiven. He is dealing with a grudge against his fellow servant, and he hands him over to be put in prison till the debt is paid. And when the king hears about this, the forgiven servant is in worse shape than had the king sold him and his family into slavery.
Yes, Jesus is reminding us that God has forgiven us over and over again, of a debt we could never pay, a debt that Jesus paid for us. But the only way we can truly accept his forgiveness is to be like God and forgive each other the entire debt, every time we are offended.
Because here’s the thing. Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is about what is happening in your soul when you don’t forgive. The writer Hannah Moore said, ““Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” Another quote: “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you are that someone.” And of course, there is that saying, “Forgive your enemies because it really annoys them.”
So I’ve learned to forgive in this deep way. It’s not easy, and usually means I need the help of my guardian angel. But it’s that internal reaction that guides me. And when I feel that grudge welling up in me, I let it keep rising till it’s floating off into outer space and I’m at peace again. Forgiveness ultimately is not about the other person. There are people that I’ve forgiven many times, but since their behavior toward me doesn't change, I just avoid them. But as another saying goes, “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Until I forgive my brother, I can’t move forward. So pray for the power to live in a state of forgiveness, because when you do so, you are imitating God.
