John 20:19 - 31
In today’s readings we have a
glimpse into the life of the early church -- people gathered
together, worked great signs, shared everything, and were well
regarded by all. They lived in such a way that others joined their
way of life, sometimes large numbers, even people who had been
priests in the Jewish religion. And we look around and say, that’s
not the way it is now. And we sometimes decide that the reason for
the difference is simply that we don’t have enough faith. Because
deep in our hearts we think that with enough faith, things would go
well for us, we would be able to really experience the joy that comes
from being a people formed out of Christ’s resurrection. If we had
enough faith we would conquer sin, we would face death with courage
and even joy; we could see that everything worked for the glory of
God, which, since we are brothers and sisters of Jesus, the God-man,
would be our glory as well.
And the gospel story seems to be about
faith as well. Why didn’t Thomas believe? And it seems as though
Jesus indirectly reprimands him when he says, “You believe because
you have seen, Thomas. Blessed are those who have not seen, but yet
believe.” And Thomas will always be remembered as the one who
doubted, even though the other apostles had the same reaction.
If only we had enough faith! But
maybe we are going about this wrong. Someone once said that the
opposite of faith is not doubt, the opposite of faith is certainty.
There isn’t any room for growth in certainty, yet the New Testament
writings are always talking about growing in faith, having little
faith -- but when you are certain about something, that’s it.
There are many Christians out there who seem to feel that the more
faith you have, the more certain you are. I remember someone telling
me that despite all the evidence to the contrary, despite biblical
scholarship and the pronouncements of the Church, he believed that
the bible was literally true in every respect -- because he insisted
that was a consequence of his deep faith.
But Saint Paul said that we work out
our salvation in fear and trembling. And maybe that’s what faith
is really all about.
Faith is not proportional to how you
feel, or for that matter to how certain you are about a statement of
truth. Faith is really about doing what we know is the right thing.
It’s easy to tell the truth when there are no consequences. But it
can be very painful to tell the truth when we know we will suffer for
it. A parent finds it easy to love a teenager who makes him proud;
but it’s harder when the teenager is always getting in trouble.
Faith means we love anyway. We can see that in the saints. The
martyrs especially, but certainly every saint we can think of was a
saint because he or she did the right thing regardless of the
consequences. And we recognize and admire that, and attribute it to
faith.
The apostles in the locked room had
lost what faith they had; when Jesus appeared in their midst, they
were afraid, until He showed them his hands and feet. In order to
enter into the joy of that first Easter,the apostles had to see His
wounds. And Thomas was really no different. He had lost his faith
as well, and had to see the wounds before he would believe. And that
is part of the faith journey. We do experience joy now and then, and
in those moments find it easy to do what is right. Some people are
helped along by that joy for long periods of their lives -- they
delight in doing good -- and when the good bears fruit, they delight
all the more. But part of faith is experiencing the wounds, just as
the apostles did, and to identify the joy of doing good with faith is
dangerous, because inevitably a time will come when a choice will
have to be made, and the joy will no longer be there.
Saint John of the Cross identified two
“dark nights” for the soul. One is when you face adversity, and
you are able to get through it because you are aware of God’s
presence. The other, the more serious, is when you face adversity
and you discover you have no sense of God’s presence. It is as
though there is no God. John tells us that this is actually a
prelude to even higher levels of spiritual growth; but during that
dark night you have to continue doing what you know is right, feeling
no reward, feeling no closeness to God, trusting only that the dark
night will end and you will be united once again to Jesus.
I think when Jesus reprimands Thomas,
he is not criticizing the fact that Thomas believed because he had
seen; He is instead saying that Thomas will have a hard time moving
from certainty to true faith, precisely because of the certainty;
Thomas knows Jesus has risen; those who have not had a personal
revelation but still believe are at an advantage. But Thomas in
those moments afterward reveals the beginning of his faith journey.
He says, “My Lord” which is a proper response to someone who has
risen from the dead, someone who had been his teacher and leader.
But he says “My God” which is a leap of faith, and Thomas will
spend the rest of his life doing what he knows is right, even to his
eventual martyrdom, because of his faith, not his certainty.
