Third Sunday of Easter, cycle C

JOHN 21:1-19
MANY YEARS AGO I CARED FOR A YOUNG WOMAN WITH ACUTE LEUKEMIA. SHE HAD THE KIND THAT IN THOSE DAYS COULD BE CURED SOMETIMES, AND AFTER SHE HAD RECEIVED TWO YEARS OF CHEMOTHERAPY, SHE WAS GOING STRONG, IN REMISSION, AND THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. ANOTHER YEAR WENT BY AND THINGS LOOKED GOOD, AND SHE GOT MARRIED. TWO YEARS LATER, SHE WAS PREGNANT, AND SHE AND HER HUSBAND WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO THEIR FIRST CHILD. AND THEN, ABOUT THREE MONTHS INTO THE PREGNANCY, THE LEUKEMIA RETURNED. DID I MENTION THAT SHE WAS A PRACTICING CATHOLIC, AS WAS HER HUSBAND? THEY WERE ADVISED BY THEIR PASTOR THAT SINCE CARRYING THE CHILD TO TERM WOULD PUT HER LIFE IN GRAVE DANGER AND MAYBE EVEN CAUSE HER DEATH, A THERAPEUTIC ABORTION WOULD BE PERMISSIBLE. IN FACT, THERE WAS A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE THAT THE CHILD WOULD NOT MAKE IT EITHER – IF SHE RECEIVED CHEMOTHERAPY, THAT WOULD PUT THE CHILD AT RISK OF VERY SERIOUS OR EVEN FATAL BIRTH DEFECTS, AND IF SHE DIDN'T SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BRING THE CHILD TO A POINT WHERE IT COULD LIVE. AND THE COUPLE DECIDED TO PUT EVERYTHING IN GOD'S HANDS. WE TREATED HER WITH JUST ENOUGH DRUG TO KEEP THE WHITE CELL COUNT UNDER CONTROL; AND WHEN IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE CHILD COULD BE DELIVERED SAFELY, SHE WENT THROUGH A CAESARIAN SECTION. AND A BEAUTIFUL CHILD WAS BROUGHT INTO THE WORLD. I REMEMBER AS WE TRIED TO GET HER DISEASE INTO REMISSION HER HUSBAND WOULD BRING THE BABY TO HER AND HER FACE WOULD LIGHT UP AS SHE HELD HIM. BUT WE WEREN'T SUCCESSFUL. SHE DIED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HUSBAND AND THE BABY. I LOST TOUCH WITH THEM A LONG TIME AGO.
SAINT PETER WAS FISHING, DOING WHAT HE DID BEST. A LONG TIME AGO, IT SEEMED, JESUS TOOK HIM AWAY FROM HIS LIVELIHOOD AND PROMISED THAT HE WOULD BECOME A FISHER OF MEN. AND IT SEEMED AS THOUGH THE WHOLE ENTERPRISE WAS OVER, AND SINCE THEY HAD NO IDEA OF WHAT TO DO NEXT, THEY WERE SETTLING INTO THEIR OLD PREDICTABLE LIVES. AND THEN THIS JESUS RISES FROM THE DEAD AND FEEDS THEM BREAKFAST. AND HE CALLS THEM “CHILDREN”, WHICH HE HAD NEVER DONE BEFORE. AND THEN HE ASKS PETER, “DO YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN THESE?” IS HE POINTING TO THE OTHER APOSTLES? OR IS HE POINTING TO THE FISHING BOATS, THE SEA, THE NETS? I DON'T KNOW. AND WHEN PETER SAYS THAT HE DOES LOVE JESUS, HIS LIFE NO LONGER IS HIS OWN; HE IS TOLD TO FEED JESUS' LAMBS. AND TWICE MORE THIS DRAMA IS CARRIED OUT, AND PETER IS TOLD FIRST TO TEND JESUS SHEEP, AND THEN TO FEED HIS SHEEP. AND JESUS GOES ON TO TELL HIM THAT FROM NOW ON, IT WILL NOT BE LIKE BEFORE, WHEN PETER WAS HIS OWN MAN. IF HE REALLY LOVED JESUS, IF HE REALLY ACCEPTED THE COMMISSION HE WAS GIVEN, THEN HIS LIFE WOULDN'T BE HIS OWN, HE WOULD GO WHERE HE DID NOT WANT TO GO, EVEN TO CRUCIFIXION, JOHN HINTS.
THE HARDEST PART OF FOLLOWING JESUS IS THAT THE MORE WE LOVE HIM, THE MORE WE FOLLOW HIM, THE MORE WE FIND OURSELVES GOING WHERE WE DO NOT WANT TO GO. MY PATIENT CHOSE TO FOLLOW JESUS MORE PERFECTLY; SHE COULD HAVE HAD AN ABORTION AND PERHAPS THE DISEASE COULD HAVE BEEN CONTROLLED AND SHE COULD HAVE GONE THROUGH A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT AND SHE WOULD BE HERE TODAY. SHE KNEW ALL THAT, BUT CHOSE TO RISK HER LIFE, INDEED, GIVE UP HER LIFE, SO THAT HER CHILD COULD LIVE. AND THAT IS THE STORY YOU FIND WHEN YOU EXAMINE THE LIVES OF ANY OF THE SAINTS. THERE SEEMS TO BE A RULE, THAT IF YOU REALLY LOVE JESUS, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF GOING WHERE YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO. SOMETIMES A SAINT MAY HAVE SEEMED TO LIVE “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”, ALTHOUGH THAT'S RARE; BUT MOST OF THE TIME, IN CHOOSING JESUS, THEY EITHER LEFT BEHIND SOMETHING PRECIOUS, OR WENT INTO A FUTURE WHERE THINGS WOULD ALMOST CERTAINLY PUT THEM AT RISK. THINK OF THOMAS MORE WHO CHOSE TO DIE, RATHER THAN BETRAY HIS CHURCH AND HIS LORD. THINK OF FRANCIS, WHO CHOSE THE LIFE OF A BEGGAR, WHO ESTRANGED HIMSELF FROM HIS FAMILY, RATHER THAN BETRAY THE CALL HE HAD FROM JESUS.
IT IS POSSIBLE, OF COURSE, TO HOLD BACK. THE RICH YOUNG MAN DID, AND SO DID MANY WHO LISTENED TO JESUS AND SAW HIS MIRACLES. BUT HOLDING BACK FROM HIS INVITATION, WITHHOLDING OUR LOVE, IS NO GUARANTEE OF FUTURE HAPPINESS. IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR JUDAS.
IF WE LET OURSELVES REALLY LOVE JESUS, WE WILL SURRENDER TO HIM, AND WILL LET HIM USE US AS HE WISHES. AND VERY OFTEN WHAT HE WISHES WILL TURN OUT TO BE DIFFERENT FROM WHAT WE WISHED. AND THE MORE WE LOVE, THE MORE HE WILL ASK OF US, AND SOMETIMES THERE SEEMS TO BE NO REWARD FOR OUR LOVE. WHEN WE READ ABOUT SAINT PETER IN THE ACTS OF THE APOSTLES, OR WHEN WE HEAR PAUL'S RECOLLECTIONS OF HIS MEETINGS WITH PETER, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE PETER'S SHEEP FEEDING WAS ANY EASIER THAN IT IS FOR OUR POPE. HE WAS ALWAYS LEARNING, ALWAYS BEING PUT TO TEST, ALWAYS BEING CONTRADICTED. BUT THAT IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT JESUS PROMISED; IF YOU REALLY LOVE, OUT OF YOUR LOVE WILL GROW THE DESIRE TO SERVE, AND AS YOU SERVE, YOU WILL RUN INTO OBSTACLES, AND YOU WILL BE LEAD WHERE YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO.
BUT THERE IS NO OTHER GAME IN TOWN. WE CAN'T SIT ON THE FENCE, WE CAN'T KEEP PUTTING OFF THAT SELF-SURRENDERING LOVE THAT JESUS ASKS OF US. THE FUTURE FOR A LOVER OF JESUS MAY BE FRIGHTENING ON THIS EARTH, IN THIS LIFE. IT MAY MEAN MARTYRDOM, OR MAYBE SLOW DEATH BY A THOUSAND LITTLE THINGS. IT WILL MEAN THAT WE ARE LEAD WHERE WE DO NOT WANT TO GO. BUT WE HAVE JESUS' ASSURANCE THAT THIS KIND OF LOVE WILL NOT GO UNREWARDED, BECAUSE THIS KIND OF LOVE IS THE LOVE THAT MAKES US LIKE JESUS HIMSELF, AND JESUS WILL BRING THOSE WHO ARE HIS THROUGH DEATH TO RESURRECTION INTO ETERNAL LIFE.