John 12:20-33
Those of you who know me know that
I've always been fascinated by religion. I lapped up the catechism
in grade school, and could rattle off all the answers to the profound
questions. In high school I used to go to the public library to read
about church history, and under the influence of my grandmother,
about other denominations and in fact, other religions. At Catholic
University I reveled in the religion courses which offered whole new
insights; my childish faith was being replaced by an adult faith.
And my circle of friends felt the same way. We would discuss
religion and philosophy far into the night. By the time I got to
medical school I knew a lot, and enjoyed defending my faith, as it
were, when confronted with criticisms by my classmates who came from
other traditions. I especially liked clearing up misconceptions
about the Catholic Church.
And the interesting thing was,
whenever I was involved in studying religion, talking about religion,
defending my faith – I always felt holy. I didn't feel as holy
when I was studying mathematics or medicine, physics or biology.
In medical school I was persuaded to
undergo some spiritual direction. My spiritual director was a
professor of dentistry at the University of San Francisco, also a
member of Opus Dei. When we would meet, I would try to steer the
conversation towards some obscure point of theology, or a difficult
scripture passage. He would gently steer it back to the question,
“where are you in your relationship with Jesus Christ?” My silent
answer was always, “I really know more than most people about my
Church, about scripture, about Jesus Christ. My relationship must be
pretty good.”
I made a private retreat during those
years. I would meet with the retreat director once or twice a day,
and spend the rest of the time in silence. I had a lot of questions
on my mind, and I didn't know the answers, which really disturbed me,
because I like to know the answers. But these were questions about
my future – my career choices; should I marry the girl I loved or
become a missionary? (Spoiler alert – I married the girl I loved).
Should I move across the country to take post graduate training, or
stay in the west where I had family? For the first time in my life I
didn't have all the answers.
One night I was praying, and I felt a
sudden immense sense of peace. I could almost hear a voice in my
head saying “Wherever you go, I will be with you.” And suddenly,
all the questions stopped swirling around in my mind and I left the
retreat a different person.
“Sir, we wish to see Jesus,” some
Greeks tell Philip. They did not want to learn about Jesus; they did
not want to study the Jewish scriptures; they weren't even interested
in watching him work miracles. They wanted to see him, they wanted
to experience his presence, his person. And we don't know if they
ever did. However we do know that when Jesus was informed of this,
he said, “The hour has come...” Up till now, he has been saying,
as he said at Cana, “My hour has not yet come.” And we know that
in the part of John's gospel that follows, we hear about Jesus
passion, death and resurrection. We hear about how the apostles who
have been with Jesus during his ministry, desert him; we hear about
how even his resurrection does not immediately convince them. And
Peter, who has betrayed him, who has fearfully hidden from the Jews,
who has gone back to fishing because he doesn't know what to do with
himself, finally sees, really sees Jesus on the shore and jumps into
the water crying out, “It is the Lord!”. For now he really sees.
When the Greeks want to see Jesus, it
is a signal to Jesus that the next part of the divine plan is
underway. Up to now, he has been showing a few people what the
kingdom of God is like. He has been instruction a few people about
the things that really matter. He has been demonstrating to a few
people how true leadership means being a servant. And at some point,
each of them was given the privilege of seeing Jesus, seeing the real
Jesus, the one who comes to you and says, “Wherever you go, I will
be with you”. And on the strength of that moment, the history of
the world was changed.
There are many reasons God became Man,
lived and taught, suffered and died, and ultimately rose again to
live forever in and with his people. When his hour did come, Jesus
made it possible for everyone from then to now to the far off future,
to see him.
I have never had another experience
like the one at that retreat I made during medical school. But I
continue to see Jesus. I see Jesus in you, my fellow parishioners.
I see Jesus in dedicated teachers who continue to pass on the faith
to young people. I see Jesus in those who give up their time on
Saturdays so that people who are confined to their homes, or who are
grieving over a loss, or who are going through difficult times will
have a couple of good meals. I see Jesus in young engaged and
married couples who have decided that they want a relationship in
which Jesus plays a central role – they know that marriage is for
making saints. I see Jesus in the adult children who care for an
aged parent who is gradually losing their mental and physical
faculties. And so much more.
Jesus resurrected lives in his people.
And he is there to be seen, if you only have the eyes to see. And
perhaps as you come to see Jesus, you will be like Philip and Andrew
and want to show Jesus to the world in your own life, in what you do,
in what you live for. And someday you also may hear those words in
your heart, “Wherever you go, I am with you.”
